A Self Loving Carnage
by Stella the Hedgehog
Summary: Gaara no Sabaku. He's my son, but I can't bring myself to care for him because of what he took from me. My life, my hope, my darling koibita. [Kazekage X Karura, Rated for being a tear jerker sniff!]


A/N: Here you go, yet another ingenius drabble from the beautiful and talented Stella-sama! Yay! Um... -coughcough- Here you go. It's got Gaara in it.

oOo

Betrothal.

Her name was Karura, simply Karura. Her hair, golden, like the desert sands as the last rays of the sun glistened off of them; her eyes, violet, like storm clouds. Such a fair woman from such a wealthy family, I thought it was too good to be true. I was eighteen years old at the time, already deemed good enough for the title of "Kazekage-sama". I think that's why her parents agreed, for my wealth and my power alone and not for the good of their daughter. It angered me, and for this reason alone I made a vow that I would keep Karura happy.

Time went on. Things changed, and it wasn't always for the better. The village was attacked, well after we were happily married, by the soul Shukaku. Not at all a benevolent being, it only seeked to be put to rest, and it attacked our town, killed our shinobi, threatened _our_ happiness. Treatened to take away our marriage, my throne, my two children, and the third, a mere thought, spoken of but not seen. The little creature in her womb that I would soon call _daughter_ or _son._

Karura agreed. It had to be done.

And so I sealed the Shukaku inside of her with the child, sacrificing both my wife and my child, but saving the village I held so dear. Only the Lord could have seen the nights I lay awake, thinking about how I have condemned my wife to death. She had wished it, for the sake of our country and our children, of course - I would do nothing without consent - but it burned within me, the nagging reminder of what I had done. It allowed me no time to sleep, no rest within my mind.

"Kazekage-sama."

I turned to look at the medic before me.

"It's lived, sir. The child is alive. A lovely son."

"And Karura-koi?"

The medic looked uneasy, and I understood at once. She was gone, my wonderful Karura-koi was gone. She was so pure, I thought, so sweet that by now she must already be an angel. But I still thought to myself that it was my fault, that she could never be happy there in Heaven and I would never be happy here on Earth, within the realm of the mortals, all alone.

The medic made a gesture with his hand, and unspoken command for me to follow, and he led me to her room.

It was true. My Karura-koi, my lovely Karura-koi, was nothing more than a memory now. Her face was not contorted in pain. The pale ivory skin had a peaceful expression as if she had quietly slipped away.

My brother-in-law was there, his violet storm-cloud eyes weary, and he handed me the tiny, crying child that looked like neither me nor my wife. His eyes were bright aqua while mine were black; his hair the brightest red while mine was a dull brown. I stared at him for a few long moments. "What do we call him?" I asked at last.

Yashamaru looked into my eyes, softly, as if willing me to see his sister in her final moments as he had been forced to. The young man shifted his eyes away and murmured, "Karura-sama has already named him. He will be called Gaara, under her wishes."

Gaara. A self-loving carnage. That was it, I thought bitterly, the perfect name for this demon child who had taken the life of my beloved.

He opened his large, sea green eyes wide as his sobs died out. He stared up at me so gently, curiously, but with such an evil behind that gaze that I knew that this was no normal child. This was the demon, Shukaku. Gaara opened his little mouth and cooed softly at me.

_My name is Gaara no Sabaku._

His eyes seemed to tell me this.

_I love only myself._

_I fight only for myself._

_In this way, I can continue to exist._

"You took her life," I said bitterly, "And for that I shall never, _never_ forgive you. _Demon child!"_

"Kazekage-sama," Yashamaru reached out so timidly to touch my hand, ending the silent war I was fighting with my newborn son and those frightening eyes he had been given. "You need some rest, ne? Here, I'll take care of the child." Weakly, I murmured my agreement as I placed the baby in his arms.

"Do you love the child?" I asked the doctor in a colder tone than I had originally intended. "The one who took your onee-sama?"

"Actually," He didn't meet my eyes as he said this, "I hate it."

Our eyes met for one moment, and I saw the fire within the depths of those storm-cloud spheres, as if daring me to challenge him. He was even more torn up - Karura had been many years his senior, but she had also been his _onee-sama_, and he had loved her more than I could even begin to realize.

"Go lie down, Kazekage-sama. I'll tend to Gaara."

"And..." I was almost scared to say it. "And... _her?"_

"She should have a funeral." Yashamaru said softly as he glanced at the lifeless body of the woman he had once called his sister. "But it's not up to me. You're her husband. What would you like to do?"

"A funeral. And a tombstone, and flowers as well." I said, still not thinking properly. That child, I was so certain that he had been playing mind games with me! "A period of mourning for the whole village, and... and..."

"Go sleep. I'll take care of this."

I looked into those magnificent eyes and saw Karura smiling that weak, tired smile, and so I obliged.

It was not long after that we were all there to say our goodbyes. Temari and Kankurou were upset as we stared on at that face in the stained, wooden casket - and why not? After all, their mother was a beautiful woman. She was one worth mourning over.

And he was there too, by my other side, her brother with her son in his arms, dressed in black with tears staining his cheeks. He didn't want to look at me, but when I said his name softly, he lifted his shy gaze.

"She's an angel now," I reminded him patiently, and he smiled.

I had a feeling that I would be depending on that smile, those storm-cloud eyes and that desert-sun hair a lot more now that Karura was gone. I was afraid, but he wasn't.

END

A/N: How awesome was that? Yay for more confidence in myself! -does a silly dance-

Oh... erm... -darts under chair- It wasn't me...

While we're on the subject of death, I'd like to acknowledge Mew-is-Back. We absolutely adore you, Mew! (Don't even attempt to ask.)


End file.
